a. Losing Generations: Adolescents in High-Risk Settings (1993)b. Karl Menninger Interview: Forsaking Vengeance and Retaliation
1. Unattached and Adult-Wary
a. Lauretta Bender's The Primary Prevention of Psychological Disorders
b. David Levy's Affect Hunger explored in Adopted Child Syndrome
c. Fritz Redl's Children Who Hate
d. Nancy Gibbs' Murder in Miniature Time Report on Yummy Sandifier
2. Fatherless in Search of an Identity
a. David Popenoe's Life Without Father
b. The National Center on Fathering
c. Glenn Stanton's How Fathers, As Male Paretns, Matter for Healthy Child Development
d. John Snarey's How Fathers Care for the Next Generation
e. Robert Bly's Iron John
f. Deborah Prothrow-Stith and Michaele Weissman's Deadly Consequences
3. Children of Rejection and Rage
a. Anger Management Strategies for Kids
b. Warning Signs for a Teen with Anger Problems
4. Caught in the Web of Chemical Abuse
a. Jamie Carother's Drugships: How Kids Make Relationships with Addictive Behaviors
b. Tammy Bell's The Truth About Relapse
Comment A: Larson and Brendtro suggest that "Communities lack the tools to meet the new challenges presented by youth in crisis. Churches are particularly ambivalent about including youth from challenged families, ostensibly because of a desire to protect 'good children' from the 'bad apple' blight." (p.24)
I am sad to say that I have observed this more than once when I have visited churches/corps where there is ministry to both church youth and after-school youth. We seem to dichotomize our ministries to these folk based on whether they are perceived of as good or bad. This seriously concerns me - because if I can sense that, imagine what the kids from the after-school program think??? This ends up making them feel like second class citizens.
It's very easy for us to fall into the trap of 'throwing the breadcrumbs' to troubled youth. However, we should be doing our best for these teens. Is integration of these types of ministries possible? Or will this result in the corruption of our churched youth?
What are your thoughts?
Comment B: The section on the Fatherless in Search of an Identity really spoke to me. "While many single mothers are closely bonded to their children, both boys and girls are at a greater risk of delinquency in the absence of caring male role models." (p. 30)
Please explore the links I have provided above and look at some of the reports and research on the importance of male role models in at-risk youth's lives. We have an incredible need for male role models who will devote their lives to standing in the massive gap that exists. What are you doing today to help with this pandemic???
11 comments:
Hi Lourdes,
I think your comment is very perceptive. What would you recommend as a third alternative?
Steve
steve,
in reply to your first comment: i have seen corps with almost two separate youth groups. the after school kids and the sunday kids. and i've seen congregations view their weekday kids as bad and uncontrollable. but in my own opinion, i feel that although the separation does exist, it's not wrong if we are unable to bridge that gap. let me explain. the kids coming thru the week are the rootless ones, they don't have the same kind of foundation our "good church kids" do. they most likely feel comfortable coming thru the week but not on sunday. so we should take them at that and build on it. we have to root them. sort of like a formation type thing with them. integration is possible, as well as anything else that God wills. but it is very difficult. i believe doors should be open and suggestions made, but force should not be used. reach them where they are comfortable. whatever works. use their vernacular.
in general, i did like this chapter. there are some good word pictures to make more clear where our youth are at. and it's mind boggling. i'd never thought of them as being "rootless." i knew they needed grounding, but didn't think of it in the ways mentioned. and to think of them as orphans that we must reach brings things into a different light. can you say men-tor-ing pro-gram? i like it.....
~jenn
A Fatherless generation is true but can we stop it yes. I had a father growing up my parents got divorced and then my dad left. Yes he was there to give money. And we would see him everyonce in a while on the weekedns. But he was not there for us on a level that we really need.
So how do we stop it i t reallt starts with the males more than the females. And I know it sounds sexiest but if it is about th fathers then start with the males and get them to fix the wrong.
So here is what I think it starts with us as the older male in our early 20's to older, we show the young men what a real man is.
A man that has respect for both his wife and mother even his sister and cousin and women in general.
And this wil show them how to treat a person. We teach them that when you have a child you take care of it.
Now for me repect is to treat the women and person how you want to be treated.
When we start to make change in th young men it starts with the young girls. We teach them that they should want a man that is going to respect them and take care of them. And how they should take nothing bu the best.
We should teach young men that being a father is different from being a dad. a Dad is someone who takes care of the family. And a father helped make a baby if you wanted to be a dad it means mcuh more than you think. We should teahc them to huge and to kiss and to say I Love You are never bad things.
So the question is can we no. It is whenwill we change this generation?
Hi Jenn,
Good points!
Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting that we 'force' kids to come to church. This is not at all what I'm suggesting. Rather, I am talking about a socio-economic apartheid mindset which creates an 'us' and 'the other' mindset. This type of separation fuels prejudices and feelings of resentment.
I understand that 'rooted' kids will have some different needs than 'rootless' kids, but this doesn't mean that they can't eat together, play together etc.
Do you think this would put rooted kids at risk, or is it possible that peer influence could aid in rooting the rootless kids?
Hi Kyle,
Thanks for your posting. I don't think what you're writing is sexist.
This is the crux of what Larry Brendtro and Scott Larson are saying: So many of today's at-risk youth are from homes where there is very little positive male role models.
You are recognizing an important point - that there is a desperate need for male mentors who are able to help bridge the gap.
I agree, it's not a matter of 'if,' but a matter of 'when.' They're ready and willing - like Scripture says: The fields are white onto harvest... but the laborers are few!
The question of 'when' depends on us - how many guys are willing to set aside their ambitions and dreams to help a at-risk young men defeat the cycle of poverty, crime, and hopelessness?
Steve
Hey Steve,
the whole idea of "good kid" "bad kid" is one that is very prevalent not just in our churches but in most other meeting places that you can think of. I observe that this type of segregation takes place mostly in the churches that have their members commute. What happens in most of these situations is that there's a corps in the inner city, but most of it's members live in the neighboring suburbs. Parents and leaders get protective of these suburbian kids when they interact with the neighborhood kids. I have had an experience where the father of one child was blaming the kids of the community as the reason why his kid didn't want to socialize with them.
I think that it shouldn't be a matter of intergrating, because then you already start of thinking of it the wrong way. I think it's just straigh up ministry. Even kids that live in the same communities have their own individual stories and experiences, but we like to think that they're all from crack houses and can't read past the grade three level. We should just approach this with the goal of communicating the gospel and equiping all the kids with the tools they need to succeed and become better christians and citizen.
In regards to the issue of the 'fatherless', I really can't say how much or to what extent I am helping. Presently I do not have any kids. I do try to show guidance to those that I minister too. At this point in my life though I prefer to think of myself more as a 'big brother' than a father figure. Thats my take.
Hi Gavin,
What do you mean by "it shouldn't be a matter of integrating...?" Are you saying that we should keep after-school and church programs separated? If this is what you're saying, why? What is your rationale?
Let me know.
By the way, being a Big brother is a good thing - isn't it grandpa? ;)
Steve
I must say, first off, that the article you, Steve, provided a link to, the one on Adopted Child Syndrome, really touched a part of me. I personally know two young boys who were adopted at the ages of 4 and 9. These two boys are half brothers, who were put into foster care, and later adopted by their foster parents. Prior to foster care, the boys lived with several more half siblings, and their single mother. If I remember correctly, none of the children have the same father. What astonished me about the article was how many points that were made seemed to fit exactly to the two boys. I actually did an observational study for a child development class back in college on one of them, and noted some interesting behaviors.
This young boy, who is now 8 years old, had been diagnosed with ODD. I wish I could remember the exact definition of this disorder, but it is basically the next stage from ADD/ADHD. His older brother has it as well. They are both on medication for it, but it doesn't seem to work for the younger of the two. He acts out violently, and even recently threated to "strangle you {another boy in his class} until you're {the boy} dead." He has been repeatedly suspended, and in serious trouble, and he's still in elementary school!
The first four years of his life were spent without a male role model. It wasn't until foster care when a father figure finally emerged. However, I don't believe this was beneficial to the younger boy (his brother had some bumpy roads, but has adjusted fairly well). I don't think he knows what to do with the positive impressions he is getting from his "new family." If memory serves, this boy was beaten repeatedly in his previous environment, and so now he doesn't know how to react.
One thing I have noticed about this boy is how hungry he is for love. Whenever I would come over, to hang out (I was good friends with his adoptive brother for some time) or to baby-sit, the young boy would be continually trying to find out if I loved him. Of course, over time he became like a little brother to me, so I could honestly say that I loved him as my brother. He constantly ask for my approval regarding different things that he had done.
As a youth worker, I have seen several cases similar to this, even in the few short years I can honestly call myself a youth worker. Many times I have seen the effects of not having a positive male role model has had on a number of kids in the after-school program I worked at, and the kids I have baby-sat, and the campers while I was a counselor. My heart goes out to them, but there is only so much I am capable of, seeing as how I am female, and therefore cannot fit the role of a positive male role model. What I can do, though, is to encourage male leaders to join, and become active in the ministry opportunities at a corps/church. This can be done by starting sports teams, or having a male volunteer as a leader in youth groups/sunday school classes/etc.
Alright, I've talked too much, but here it is.
Hi Pratik,
Thanks for your comments about psychological orphans. I would agree - that this is hearbreaking, and it is unfortunately representative of so many kids who are at-risk.
However, I want to ask what you mean by 'growing into psychological orphans'? Do you mean that they are doing this to themselves? That they are choosing to alienate themselves from familial influences? Is this their personal choice or a choice being made for them?
I would think that it's not even necessarily to be blamed on the adults - who also are often forced into a situation where they have to work multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Yes, there are examples of parents who are using their money for drugs etc., but this is not always the case...
Therefore, while kids might grow into psychological orphans, I would suggest that this is a byproduct of their environment as opposed to a cognitive choice they are making.
Thanks for your comments, Pratik.
Steve
Hi Melissa,
Thanks for your posting - and for your willingness to share about your past experience with these boys.
The ODD/ADD/ADHD issue is a serious one which we should probably talk about in another posting, but it's enough to say that there are some serious debates about the benefits of such medications... While there are some definite cases where this is needed, the overmedication of kids in the US is a wee bit out of control. We either have a pandemic of hyperactivity in this country or else there is a neural/cognitive revolution currently taking place in the minds of the media generation!
Regarding the connection between adoption and aggression. There are some sad signs from cases as explored in the web-link and as exemplified in your posting. However, I also have hope to believe that this can be defused somewhat.
In a few weeks, we are going to talk about the "Life Space Intervention Crisis" model for helping defuse such situations. You saw a demonstration of this in the video we watched in class today. However, more on this later.
Thanks for your comments and observations. I'm glad the readings and hyperlinks are helpful.
Steve
Hi there Magrizzle,
True. This reminds me of the conversation we were having last week about youthworkers not replacing families.
While the male role model is necessary, I think that there are other great examples of single parent Moms who have done an excellent job raising great, functional kids. Unfortunately, often, the absenteeism of the father results in an increase in exploring negative solutions to the need for guiding motivation.
Thanks for the comments!
Steve
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