i agree with lourdes' beginning statement. it is true that a majority of delinquents have been abused, but not all of the abused turn into delinquents. but that's still all the more reason for us to intervene, to step in and make sure that doesn't become the norm.
i really love the opening quote "your authority with children is directly proportional to your value as an esteemed adult." janusz korczak i've seen so many "leaders" come into the picture and try to be the leader without doing anything else first. trust must be attained first before you can speak into someone's life. it goes into high trust culture. we must first have permission to speak to someone. there are so many frustrated youth leaders that i've worked with that don't take the blame or realize fault when the kids don't receive them or their advice. kids will not listen to you until they respect you, and vice versa needs to happen as well. we must have an equal trust and respect relationship happening, that deepens with it's development over time. it doesn't just happen.
which leads into the positive relationship and authority. i myself will admit i've had problems with establishing authority. i find myself at times wanting to be rather a friend than an overpowering adult. though my experiences have helped me to develop my authority/leadership skills and i'm much better now than i used to be. but i've seen a lot of people that are just all about pleasing others. they are afraid to say no. but then there's the other half of the spectrum. people that have walls. that create very negative relationships. their authority is so severe that the child becomes even afraid of them. this is unhealthy. and though difficult, it's a bit of a balancing act to keep one foot in each boat, with a hand on the dock. and i don't believe that there's an exact equation of just how and what we're supposed to do to obtain healthy positive relationships and still maintain our authority. i feel that for each of us, because of our unique personalities and skills that we have to work a little differently with one than another.
the aspect of reparenting, raises an eyebrow. i've thought many a time about holding parenting seminars for a all ages, not just parents of babies. i think that in today's society it is necessary for all.
Chapter Seven of Reclaiming our Prodigal Sons and Daughters looks at the issue of parenting and how it affects at risk youth. This could be seen as an obvious, bad kids coming from bad parenting. Larson and Brendtro try to look at it in a little bit deeper detail though. First they look at structures as a means of healthy development. That is the setting of boundries by families, schools, peers and communities as vital pieces in a young person's development. Then there is the issue of abuse and neglect. This demolition duo can be found at the heart of many delinquencies. Studies have shown that youths faced with these two challenges are 66 times more likely to become early delinquents than other children. Thats a serious number, especially when you think that there are about 3 million cases of suspected child abuse reported in the United States. Then there is that sense of loss or abandonment that is another mountain that these youth have to deal with. The authors then introduce the concept of "Reparenting". This is a corrective parenting relationship as stated by Brendtro and Larson. They suggest that this concept requires a combination of positive relationship and authority. Balance is very important here. They also see Reparenting in two respects: 1. Reparenting by Extending the Family 2. Reparenting by Giving Parents a Fresh Start. I think the whole concept of Reparenting is one that can be taken far and wide. I see it as a tool to reach parents and giving them that hope that they can once again or maybe for the first time reach their kids. That will definitely make our work as youth pastor a little bit easier if the relationship at home is in good working condition between parent and child.
Another one of those chapters that did not due much for me while I agree with some of it most of it i think is just ok. I do 100% agree with the part of the book were it is sayin the first part of a health relatioship is forming trust. that is something that is good and something thaty we should all loke to do. And how is says if the kid does not do so at home it ussaly show up at outside relationships, i think that is were we can be there and make a family like setting. But i did like this chapter for the for the part wew in talks about Delinquency because it say that if soemthing is samll that is wil stay that way. But it talks about changing things to, and how it is not always just the way someone is born.
It's interesting to me to realize that some of what I was talking about in last week's blog is being addressed in the very next chapter. I talked about how children will do the "wrong" things in order to get a response, any response from parents who only interact with their children to yell at them. To these kids, even yelling is better than being ignored. Larson and Brendtro state, "The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference." Hate would signify that there is still some sort of expectation of the relationship. Indifference would signify that there is no relationship, or at least not a strong one.
While working at the after-school program back home, I had it stressed to me during differnt training sessions that boundaries are a good thing, when applied correctly. Youth look for those boundaries, and test them to see how far they go, so that they can find themselves within those boundaries. If too restrictive, the child fails to develop a sense of self due to the pressure to keep to the rules, etc. If too liberal, the child fails set up guidelines for themselves about what is acceptable in society, and what isn't. Either one can be damaging to the child.
I'm glad that our laws see abuse as not only physical or sexual, but also as emotional and neglectful abuse. We are told, as Christians that we can sin not only be committing acts, but also by omitting acts that should have been done. The same can be said for parenting. Not only can a parent by abusive by excessively hitting their children, but also by failing to taking care of the basic needs of their children, such as proper clothes, hygiene, and food.
As youth workers, I believe it is our responsibility (much like the book says) to be a positive example of adults in the lives of youth who have not been exposed to a lot of positive influences, and to also engage their parents in ways of more effectively engaging in their children's lives.
4 comments:
i agree with lourdes' beginning statement. it is true that a majority of delinquents have been abused, but not all of the abused turn into delinquents. but that's still all the more reason for us to intervene, to step in and make sure that doesn't become the norm.
i really love the opening quote "your authority with children is directly proportional to your value as an esteemed adult." janusz korczak
i've seen so many "leaders" come into the picture and try to be the leader without doing anything else first. trust must be attained first before you can speak into someone's life. it goes into high trust culture. we must first have permission to speak to someone. there are so many frustrated youth leaders that i've worked with that don't take the blame or realize fault when the kids don't receive them or their advice. kids will not listen to you until they respect you, and vice versa needs to happen as well. we must have an equal trust and respect relationship happening, that deepens with it's development over time. it doesn't just happen.
which leads into the positive relationship and authority. i myself will admit i've had problems with establishing authority. i find myself at times wanting to be rather a friend than an overpowering adult. though my experiences have helped me to develop my authority/leadership skills and i'm much better now than i used to be. but i've seen a lot of people that are just all about pleasing others. they are afraid to say no. but then there's the other half of the spectrum. people that have walls. that create very negative relationships. their authority is so severe that the child becomes even afraid of them. this is unhealthy. and though difficult, it's a bit of a balancing act to keep one foot in each boat, with a hand on the dock. and i don't believe that there's an exact equation of just how and what we're supposed to do to obtain healthy positive relationships and still maintain our authority. i feel that for each of us, because of our unique personalities and skills that we have to work a little differently with one than another.
the aspect of reparenting, raises an eyebrow. i've thought many a time about holding parenting seminars for a all ages, not just parents of babies. i think that in today's society it is necessary for all.
Chapter Seven of Reclaiming our Prodigal Sons and Daughters looks at the issue of parenting and how it affects at risk youth. This could be seen as an obvious, bad kids coming from bad parenting. Larson and Brendtro try to look at it in a little bit deeper detail though.
First they look at structures as a means of healthy development. That is the setting of boundries by families, schools, peers and communities as vital pieces in a young person's development. Then there is the issue of abuse and neglect. This demolition duo can be found at the heart of many delinquencies. Studies have shown that youths faced with these two challenges are 66 times more likely to become early delinquents than other children. Thats a serious number, especially when you think that there are about 3 million cases of suspected child abuse reported in the United States. Then there is that sense of loss or abandonment that is another mountain that these youth have to deal with.
The authors then introduce the concept of "Reparenting". This is a corrective parenting relationship as stated by Brendtro and Larson. They suggest that this concept requires a combination of positive relationship and authority. Balance is very important here. They also see Reparenting in two respects:
1. Reparenting by Extending the Family
2. Reparenting by Giving Parents a Fresh Start.
I think the whole concept of Reparenting is one that can be taken far and wide. I see it as a tool to reach parents and giving them that hope that they can once again or maybe for the first time reach their kids. That will definitely make our work as youth pastor a little bit easier if the relationship at home is in good working condition between parent and child.
Another one of those chapters that did not due much for me while I agree with some of it most of it i think is just ok. I do 100% agree with the part of the book were it is sayin the first part of a health relatioship is forming trust. that is something that is good and something thaty we should all loke to do. And how is says if the kid does not do so at home it ussaly show up at outside relationships, i think that is were we can be there and make a family like setting. But i did like this chapter for the for the part wew in talks about Delinquency because it say that if soemthing is samll that is wil stay that way. But it talks about changing things to, and how it is not always just the way someone is born.
It's interesting to me to realize that some of what I was talking about in last week's blog is being addressed in the very next chapter. I talked about how children will do the "wrong" things in order to get a response, any response from parents who only interact with their children to yell at them. To these kids, even yelling is better than being ignored. Larson and Brendtro state, "The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference." Hate would signify that there is still some sort of expectation of the relationship. Indifference would signify that there is no relationship, or at least not a strong one.
While working at the after-school program back home, I had it stressed to me during differnt training sessions that boundaries are a good thing, when applied correctly. Youth look for those boundaries, and test them to see how far they go, so that they can find themselves within those boundaries. If too restrictive, the child fails to develop a sense of self due to the pressure to keep to the rules, etc. If too liberal, the child fails set up guidelines for themselves about what is acceptable in society, and what isn't. Either one can be damaging to the child.
I'm glad that our laws see abuse as not only physical or sexual, but also as emotional and neglectful abuse. We are told, as Christians that we can sin not only be committing acts, but also by omitting acts that should have been done. The same can be said for parenting. Not only can a parent by abusive by excessively hitting their children, but also by failing to taking care of the basic needs of their children, such as proper clothes, hygiene, and food.
As youth workers, I believe it is our responsibility (much like the book says) to be a positive example of adults in the lives of youth who have not been exposed to a lot of positive influences, and to also engage their parents in ways of more effectively engaging in their children's lives.
Post a Comment