One of the things that chapter six of Reclaiming our Prodigal Sons and Daughters talks about is courage. Not just in the surface definition of the word but in a deeper sense. Brendtro highlights how key this concept is to developing youths. They also look at one of the behavioral and developmental tools that we have been looking at in class over the last few weeks, the Circle of Courage. This model includes the elements of Belonging, Mastery, Independence and Generosity. All these elements are seen as vital in youth development and extremely important if youths are going to be and feel empowered. We as leaders have to take the time to help and see kids through these different structures if they are going to develop properly.
i really like this chapter. i think it hinges on alot of the essential things we've discussed as assets of a good youthworker. from my own experience, the people that reached me the most have been the ones that are most encouraging to me. they are the people that can instill courage. to make you feel like you can do something. be strong and courageous for the Lord your god is with you, means nothing until it is taught and instilled within us. kids that are hopeless, that have a huge lack of courage, need our love, support, and encouragement to change for the better. i've always felt this way.
i also believe that the circle of courage model is a great discipleship tool that i will use aspects of in my own mentoring and relationships with youth.
I was struck by a certain paragraph in this chapter:
"Repeatedly, we have seen kids purposely fail or be kicked out of programs just days before graduation. For many of them, successfully completing something places even greater pressure on them. If people suddenly start believing in them, they will be expected to continue succeeding. This is a paralyzing thought for a child who feels incapable or unworthy of success. In the eyes of many youth, this newly found success could only be short-lived. They see it as a setup for an even greater fall in the future."
This rings true in my own experience, though I hadn't pinpointed it so concisely. The idea that youth purposely set themselves up to fail in order to stay with what is familiar to them is a frightening one. Even now, I am thinking back on every "troublesome" child I've worked with. However, as I think about it, I would dare to take this thought a step further. It is possible that the same kids who set themselves up to fail for something familiar, also set themselves up for failure in order to get some attention. This is something I've been thinking about for a few years...to these kids, even a negative response to their behavior is better than no response at all. This is what I mean: say a child who normally gets detention every other day, almost never turns in assignments on time, and is usually punished or yelled at by their parents because of this and maybe some form of physical abuse, comes home with a "B" on a test. In a lot of these type of situations, the "B" will go unnoticed, but the next time the parent gets a call from the teacher about the child acting up in class, they'll respond with negative reinforcement. This goes to the nurture side of the nature vs. nurture argument. If the child is nurtured to believe only negative actions are worthy of an interaction with their parents (whether a negative or positive) they will continue the negative actions, due to the need for Belonging, as the Circle of Courage suggests as a necessary part of a child's life. It scares me that children are looking forward to getting yelled at or beaten, just so that they can feel as though they belong in their family.
This reminds me of the reason behind cutting. Those who are cutters do so in order to feel. The pain is more real to them than the world around them. What a frightening idea! Imagine a world that felt so unreal, that a person would prefer to feel pain to know that they really exist. That seems to be what is going on with these kids who purposely fail in order to belong.
My question is, how do we teach these kids that it is okay to succeed, without scaring them off? Any suggestions?
I like this chapter better than the last, it did not make me want to burn the vvok. he has a lot of good points in this chapter. I really like the way the book highlights what courage is (the sate or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution). And how they say that gang members and bullies can display this traits. It is nice the way they later go on and say how we define courage, and I would have to completly agree. It is weird though how the gangs even fit are definition of courage becaue they go out everyday knowing it could be there last. And i like when he talks about encouraging people. This is something that should be used more often, maybe then we would have bolder and stronger people of faith.
4 comments:
One of the things that chapter six of Reclaiming our Prodigal Sons and Daughters talks about is courage. Not just in the surface definition of the word but in a deeper sense. Brendtro highlights how key this concept is to developing youths.
They also look at one of the behavioral and developmental tools that we have been looking at in class over the last few weeks, the Circle of Courage. This model includes the elements of Belonging, Mastery, Independence and Generosity. All these elements are seen as vital in youth development and extremely important if youths are going to be and feel empowered. We as leaders have to take the time to help and see kids through these different structures if they are going to develop properly.
hmmmm... the circle of courage.
i really like this chapter. i think it hinges on alot of the essential things we've discussed as assets of a good youthworker. from my own experience, the people that reached me the most have been the ones that are most encouraging to me. they are the people that can instill courage. to make you feel like you can do something. be strong and courageous for the Lord your god is with you, means nothing until it is taught and instilled within us. kids that are hopeless, that have a huge lack of courage, need our love, support, and encouragement to change for the better. i've always felt this way.
i also believe that the circle of courage model is a great discipleship tool that i will use aspects of in my own mentoring and relationships with youth.
I was struck by a certain paragraph in this chapter:
"Repeatedly, we have seen kids purposely fail or be kicked out of programs just days before graduation. For many of them, successfully completing something places even greater pressure on them. If people suddenly start believing in them, they will be expected to continue succeeding. This is a paralyzing thought for a child who feels incapable or unworthy of success. In the eyes of many youth, this newly found success could only be short-lived. They see it as a setup for an even greater fall in the future."
This rings true in my own experience, though I hadn't pinpointed it so concisely. The idea that youth purposely set themselves up to fail in order to stay with what is familiar to them is a frightening one. Even now, I am thinking back on every "troublesome" child I've worked with. However, as I think about it, I would dare to take this thought a step further. It is possible that the same kids who set themselves up to fail for something familiar, also set themselves up for failure in order to get some attention. This is something I've been thinking about for a few years...to these kids, even a negative response to their behavior is better than no response at all. This is what I mean: say a child who normally gets detention every other day, almost never turns in assignments on time, and is usually punished or yelled at by their parents because of this and maybe some form of physical abuse, comes home with a "B" on a test. In a lot of these type of situations, the "B" will go unnoticed, but the next time the parent gets a call from the teacher about the child acting up in class, they'll respond with negative reinforcement. This goes to the nurture side of the nature vs. nurture argument. If the child is nurtured to believe only negative actions are worthy of an interaction with their parents (whether a negative or positive) they will continue the negative actions, due to the need for Belonging, as the Circle of Courage suggests as a necessary part of a child's life. It scares me that children are looking forward to getting yelled at or beaten, just so that they can feel as though they belong in their family.
This reminds me of the reason behind cutting. Those who are cutters do so in order to feel. The pain is more real to them than the world around them. What a frightening idea! Imagine a world that felt so unreal, that a person would prefer to feel pain to know that they really exist. That seems to be what is going on with these kids who purposely fail in order to belong.
My question is, how do we teach these kids that it is okay to succeed, without scaring them off? Any suggestions?
I like this chapter better than the last, it did not make me want to burn the vvok. he has a lot of good points in this chapter.
I really like the way the book highlights what courage is (the sate or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution).
And how they say that gang members and bullies can display this traits.
It is nice the way they later go on and say how we define courage, and I would have to completly agree.
It is weird though how the gangs even fit are definition of courage becaue they go out everyday knowing it could be there last.
And i like when he talks about encouraging people.
This is something that should be used more often, maybe then we would have bolder and stronger people of faith.
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